Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
