You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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