you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ttyl tear gas
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
