i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
