this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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