This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
