Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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