so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize