i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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