I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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