The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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