what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My penis needs a shock collar
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
