discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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