Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it because I queefed?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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