Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
