I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
