sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
