My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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