You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
