sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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