First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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