Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize