Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the day after is always just damage control
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
