Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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