bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
