a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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