I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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