singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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