end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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