Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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