my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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