Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
