He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
