i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
