Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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