is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
