Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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