I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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