So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
