i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it's great music for shaving your balls
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
