wake up i wanna do it froggy style
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
