Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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