look no pants
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
