how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
