It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
