p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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