pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
