Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize