Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
