i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
