i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
