Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
