This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
