pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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