i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize