so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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