I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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