I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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