3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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