Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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