I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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