The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
