he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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