Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
