I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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