yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
