Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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