i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
