Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
