The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
