that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
