Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
