when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
